I was watching National Treasure: Book of Secrets this evening when I decided to text and have a chat with my future hubby. We have been in a relationship for two years now and we're expecting a baby this December of 2012. We had a talk about how we can manage to have time together and at the same time raise the baby. Currently, my father was hit by stroke last September. I was forced to choose on whether what is the best decision that I can do because I was also needed by my father right now. 

We had a serious fight over the phone as we both have different perspectives. I want to be there for my father first because he needs me and being together can be followed afterwards. It doesn't mean we will have to be separated but what I mean is that I have to take care of him for a while. What I don't understand is what is his problem with that? Since, there is only two of us, my father's siblings, and my mother on the house, help is indeed needed. Besides, I am worried about our newborn too. Who would take care of him/her? So, I discussed my plans with him. I decided to make him take care of our child since he had no work yet and free to do the task. While I will take care of my father for awhile together with mom since my brother is still studying and simultaneously manage to work and take care of our child at the same time by being with them on weekends.

I was expecting a little bit of consideration about the matter but he was furiously splash his anger at me all at the same time. I was angry and crying at the same time with him. He was so insensitive and inconsiderate. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm still at pain right now and thinking of what else can I do... 

He can't help me in taking care of my father because my family don't like him because he had a child in a previous relationship yet I still want to be with him. So, the problem had gotten worse. I don't know what else to do...As  much as I wanted him to help me, it is not possible... I don't want to lose them both.....

Recently, I noticed a very unusual attitude deception from my father. He doesn't even smile when he talked to me or even a glimpse of easiness when he talked to me. This makes me very depressed and stressed out, thinking that I'm pregnant at the moment and about to give birth this December. The reason behind this I call a problem for me is because that I got pregnant at an early age of 23 with someone that they don't like because of being a single dad. 

I was with a relationship that is simply confusing. My family was very conservative and judgmental. I don't like it, the judgmental part specially. Now, most of my family members, all from mother's side especially aunts think that I'm stupid and at the same time sinful being in which they cannot even get close to. I felt very depressed which in turn constantly change my moods every now and then. I constantly getting different issues regarding my self and it almost breaks me down. I hate it the most. Thinking that they always pray and pray to God and this is the attitude they come to develop. That is why sometimes I felt that or more like wish for, hoping that someday they would fall so hard in their lives so that they can feel what I felt. Helpless and depressed.

Maybe you were wondering why didn't I move out of the house when I realize I was pregnant from my boyfriend. I was told by my family that I should stay here in the house during my pregnancy after which I was free to choose where to stay. My partner humbly offer his home to me when he found out that I was pregnant. But I asked him that let the adult minds manage the things and we should follow to avoid anymore fights. But I felt that this decision makes myself, attitude and being, even worse. I felt different. From the way they talked and treat me before is entirely different. 

Its like they're using this moment to get back at me. For some reason, I felt wasted and stressed out for a period of time for the rest of my life. I know I can't make them push to like my partner but God why are they doing this to me. They always told me that I should help my parents and give money to them before deciding to get pregnant because I was helped by my dad to graduate. I had only helped them a year and they were very angry at me when I decided to marry. They told me that I was so stupid in choosing a guy and they always push that I still have responsibility to my parents to fulfill.

They always strikes my partner with harsh words and they always makes fun of me whenever someone manages to mention my name, I mean I wasn't even there and yet they still push me down. I hate them all, I really hope they suffer. I heard many bad-mouthing from my family specially aunts. I expected to hear lots from neighbors yet I don't and the worst is that I heard it from the inside, within family. I really hope I get over this and start working so that I can move out in this house. I will give them the money they want and then I'm out. 

I mean they don't like me here and of course what more can I expect from my child. My child would be better of if we leave this house for good and stay with my partner at his home or I just have to move out to an apartment to avoid them. I surely hope that I could endure much of this, they were so plastic. And one of my aunts really is I don't like ever since I known her. For some reason, I don't like her very much even before my birth. I just always pray to God to give me strength to endure and thank for the blessing he gave me. Also praying for more blessings to come into our lives, me, my partner and child, to sustain and keep us closer to him.

E L James (Author)

 

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